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OceanGate Pivots Marketing to Assisted Suicide
“Now people will think it’s a good thing,” OceanGate marketing lead Helen Long, a force behind Canada's MAID program, explained.
Jul 21, 2023
If Inflation Is Real, Why Aren't My Nudes Selling for More?
I've been bending over backwards (literally) trying to get some high-quality tasteful smut out on this wonderful gift from Al Gore, and...
Apr 22, 2023
Actor on Your Friends List Stars in 3-Second Clip on HBO
After 8 long years in the industry, thousands of dollars in acting courses and self-taping materials, and 78 rejections from the NC...
Apr 6, 2023
Gruesome: July 4th BBQ Explosion; Baked Beans Suspect
In an incident that can only be described as "yucky," a July 4th barbecue descended into chaos after 150g of fiber were consumed in one sitt
Jul 4, 2022
Halt Your 4th of July Fireworks Immediately: My Dog is Going to BARK!
STOP with these acts of TERRORISM now!!! Try these Fireworks alternatives.
Jul 4, 2022
Woah! There's a Guy Dressed as a Giant, Snarling Bear at this Party! Wait...
This party is AWESOME! There is one thing that's a bit odd, however. Some guy dressed up as a large animal of some sort.
Jun 16, 2022
It's Really Hot Outside; Let's Move Independence Day to the Fall
It's hot enough to warm an egg. It's hot enough to melt ice! It's so hot, I'm sweating, for crying ousteth loudeth! We hold these truth...
Jul 4, 2021
Company Dares to Send National Hamburger Day Email Without Coupon
May 28th is National Hamburger Day and some restaurants decided to celebrate by giving you nothing. Not even 25¢ off. Just an email in...
May 28, 2021
Man Overjoyed to Find Shrimp HEADS in Cinnamon Toast Crunch 🍤
Lifelong Honey-Flavored Oat Circles eater Cecil Clyde was shocked and delighted to find shrimp heads in his first ever box of Cinnamon...
Mar 26, 2021
Celebrate St. Patrick's Day with this Classic Irish Recipe!
Before we get into this St. Patrick's Day recipe, we have a long-winded story full of keywords and ads that will fill you to the brim...
Mar 16, 2021
Senate Offers Choice of Lump Sum Stimulus or $10 Annuity for the Next 140 Years
The Lump Sum is only payable in Dave & Buster’s tokens. Think of what you can do with an extra TEN DOLLARS each year. Well, actually,...
Mar 7, 2021
The Mean Bean Enquirer is Under Attack
A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the...
Mar 2, 2021
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
Sorry, cringe IFLScience Atheists, this isn’t about tardigrades, this is about Tardi Gras, the celebration for whimsical souls such as...
Feb 21, 2021
Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — You’ve heard of Mardis Gras, and you’ve heard of Cardi Gras, but have you heard of Farti Gras? Not all of them...
Feb 16, 2021
This Cardi Gras, Everyone’s Blacking Out! Okuuurr!!
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — It’s time for some Wet Ass Phenobarbital! Celebrate your holiday to the max with skimpy costumes, colorful...
Feb 16, 2021
Hunger down in Africa, Moms with picky kids FURIOUS!
As the 21st century progresses, and more efficient farming practices and supply chains and distribution networks are implemented, global...
Dec 4, 2020
Throw All Your Turduckens Out NOW!!!
Local Chinese Scientist w/o Criminal Record Invents New Edible Bird Hybrids for Cheaper than Brand A. Sponsored Op-Ed by Devon Mason...
Nov 19, 2020
Top Ten Pilgrims I Can Beat in a Fight (And One I Can’t!)
In this time of reflection and gratitude, it’s important to take the chance to contemplate the important questions in life. Why did Club...
Nov 13, 2020
APA Rules Shower-Fart As a Form of Self-Harm
The American Psychological Association, or APA, officially announced as of last Tuesday that “shower-farting,” the act of farting whilst...
Oct 15, 2020
AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA - North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their...
Oct 1, 2020
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Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
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