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The Mean Bean Enquirer is Under Attack
A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the...
Mar 2, 2021
Top Ten Pilgrims I Can Beat in a Fight (And One I Can’t!)
In this time of reflection and gratitude, it’s important to take the chance to contemplate the important questions in life. Why did Club...
Nov 13, 2020
We Usually Avoid Politics, But…
We cannot fight this any longer. Mean Bean Enquirer avoids political stories, so in other news there’s… nothing. No Jesuses on toast....
Nov 6, 2020
Mean Bean Enquirer Rap Cypher — Lil Stinker ft. Elkanah
Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our...
Oct 19, 2020
APA Rules Shower-Fart As a Form of Self-Harm
The American Psychological Association, or APA, officially announced as of last Tuesday that “shower-farting,” the act of farting whilst...
Oct 15, 2020
This Is Hallobean
I am the one hiding on your plate, You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. I am the one that is good for your heart, The more you...
Oct 11, 2020
How To Host The Perfect Halloween Party Even Your Grandfather with Dementia Won’t Forget
Read on to learn how to throw one HALL(oween) of a HALLOWEEN PARTY that even your GRANDDAD WITH ALZHEIMERS won't be ABLE to forget! Serve...
Oct 8, 2020
AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA - North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their...
Oct 1, 2020
I got 25 flu shots so you don’t have to: the best flu shot deals in NC
Charlotte, NC - Target and Publix may offer $5 and $10 gift cards when you get a flu shot, but that’s just the tip of the syringceberg. I...
Sep 25, 2020
Catholic Church Condemns Cuties; “Not Enough Little Boys”
THE HOLY PRISON CELL 35-C - Controversial Netflix film Cuties has been under fire by liberals, conservatives, basically everyone except...
Sep 17, 2020
Neighborhood Coyotes Request More Vegan Options; Accessibility Features in Your Backyard
OP ED ✤ By Joe Coyote - Just leave out a salad; I’m tired of eating your beloved pets. Let’s have some variety. Imagine having to eat...
Sep 10, 2020
First Baby Born with Gills to Survive Southern Humidity
Mobile, Alabama - In what has been described as a great, horrific, leap forward for human evolution, local boy Kyle Upshaw has been born...
Sep 3, 2020
Fauci Announces that Santa Isn’t Real; You Were the Reason for Your Parents’ Divorce
At a press conference yesterday afternoon, Anthony Fauci announced that COVID-19 immunity may be finite, that Santa isn’t real and never...
Jul 7, 2020
Top Ten Summer Fashion Tips I’ve Discovered From Digging Through My Hot Cousin’s Closet and Drawers
When I was hired to do the Enquirer’s fashion section, I knew I was in over my head. I lucked out during the interview because light...
Jul 6, 2020
Gerber Baby Caught Eating Pizza with a Fork and a Knife–Not a Real New Yorker? Not Even A Real BABY?
Gerber was quick to step in and assure the public it was Gerber-brand pizza. Magnolia, Gerber’s new 2020 Spokesbaby, at the scene of the...
May 11, 2020
Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Greensboro, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.
Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
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