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In Memoriam: What Neville Longbottom's Forgotten
It's been 32 years, and he still hasn't remembered what he's forgotten.
May 29, 2023
Actress Requests No Retouching of Bat in the Cave
"This is the real me," she said. "Bats in the cave are natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of them."
May 9, 2023
Stinko De Mayo! Local Woman's Refrigerator Breaks
On the 161st anniversary of Mexico's defeat of the French in 1862, a vengeful sabotage took place right in the heart of the Yucatán.
May 5, 2023
Due to Unfortunate Typo, Pollen Farrell Wins Most Hated Celebrity
Thank you, Nasonext! In an unfortunate blunder, once-beloved Irish actor Colin Farrell's nomination for best celebrity was submitted as "Pol
May 4, 2023
If Inflation Is Real, Why Aren't My Nudes Selling for More?
I've been bending over backwards (literally) trying to get some high-quality tasteful smut out on this wonderful gift from Al Gore, and...
Apr 22, 2023
Actor on Your Friends List Stars in 3-Second Clip on HBO
After 8 long years in the industry, thousands of dollars in acting courses and self-taping materials, and 78 rejections from the NC...
Apr 6, 2023
Gruesome: July 4th BBQ Explosion; Baked Beans Suspect
In an incident that can only be described as "yucky," a July 4th barbecue descended into chaos after 150g of fiber were consumed in one sitt
Jul 4, 2022
Halt Your 4th of July Fireworks Immediately: My Dog is Going to BARK!
STOP with these acts of TERRORISM now!!! Try these Fireworks alternatives.
Jul 4, 2022
The Mean Bean Enquirer is Under Attack
A coterie of some of the most heinous personalities on the internet (and Jim Davis) came together to release a nasty hit piece on the...
Mar 2, 2021
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
Sorry, cringe IFLScience Atheists, this isn’t about tardigrades, this is about Tardi Gras, the celebration for whimsical souls such as...
Feb 21, 2021
Farti Gras Slowly Approaching in Large, Green Cloud
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — You’ve heard of Mardis Gras, and you’ve heard of Cardi Gras, but have you heard of Farti Gras? Not all of them...
Feb 16, 2021
This Cardi Gras, Everyone’s Blacking Out! Okuuurr!!
NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — It’s time for some Wet Ass Phenobarbital! Celebrate your holiday to the max with skimpy costumes, colorful...
Feb 16, 2021
Hunger down in Africa, Moms with picky kids FURIOUS!
As the 21st century progresses, and more efficient farming practices and supply chains and distribution networks are implemented, global...
Dec 4, 2020
Top Ten Pilgrims I Can Beat in a Fight (And One I Can’t!)
In this time of reflection and gratitude, it’s important to take the chance to contemplate the important questions in life. Why did Club...
Nov 13, 2020
We Usually Avoid Politics, But…
We cannot fight this any longer. Mean Bean Enquirer avoids political stories, so in other news there’s… nothing. No Jesuses on toast....
Nov 6, 2020
Mean Bean Enquirer Rap Cypher — Lil Stinker ft. Elkanah
Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our...
Oct 19, 2020
APA Rules Shower-Fart As a Form of Self-Harm
The American Psychological Association, or APA, officially announced as of last Tuesday that “shower-farting,” the act of farting whilst...
Oct 15, 2020
This Is Hallobean
I am the one hiding on your plate, You’ll all run and scream when I sublimate. I am the one that is good for your heart, The more you...
Oct 11, 2020
How To Host The Perfect Halloween Party Even Your Grandfather with Dementia Won’t Forget
Read on to learn how to throw one HALL(oween) of a HALLOWEEN PARTY that even your GRANDDAD WITH ALZHEIMERS won't be ABLE to forget! Serve...
Oct 8, 2020
AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA - North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their...
Oct 1, 2020
Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Greensboro, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.
Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
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