top of page
Breaking News, Broken News, and Perfectly Fine News
Search
In Memoriam: What Neville Longbottom's Forgotten
It's been 32 years, and he still hasn't remembered what he's forgotten.
May 29, 2023
Actress Requests No Retouching of Bat in the Cave
"This is the real me," she said. "Bats in the cave are natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of them."
May 9, 2023
Crap! Did I Miss Tardi Gras?
Sorry, cringe IFLScience Atheists, this isn’t about tardigrades, this is about Tardi Gras, the celebration for whimsical souls such as...
Feb 21, 2021
We Usually Avoid Politics, But…
We cannot fight this any longer. Mean Bean Enquirer avoids political stories, so in other news there’s… nothing. No Jesuses on toast....
Nov 6, 2020
Mean Bean Enquirer Rap Cypher — Lil Stinker ft. Elkanah
Mean Bean Enquirer is so eager to get new readers, we spent our entire marketing budget hiring these two Hip-Hop Superstars to write our...
Oct 19, 2020
APA Rules Shower-Fart As a Form of Self-Harm
The American Psychological Association, or APA, officially announced as of last Tuesday that “shower-farting,” the act of farting whilst...
Oct 15, 2020
How To Host The Perfect Halloween Party Even Your Grandfather with Dementia Won’t Forget
Read on to learn how to throw one HALL(oween) of a HALLOWEEN PARTY that even your GRANDDAD WITH ALZHEIMERS won't be ABLE to forget! Serve...
Oct 8, 2020
AMC Theatres Reopen Oct. 9 to Bathroom Wall Poopers’ Delight
CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA - North Carolina AMC Theatres are scheduled to reopen starting on October 9th, much to the delight of their...
Oct 1, 2020
I got 25 flu shots so you don’t have to: the best flu shot deals in NC
Charlotte, NC - Target and Publix may offer $5 and $10 gift cards when you get a flu shot, but that’s just the tip of the syringceberg. I...
Sep 25, 2020
High-Beans
Do we brighten your day? You don’t need to respond; we already know the answer! MORE MEAN BEAN STRIPPED COMICS > MEAN BEAN ENQUIRER...
Sep 21, 2020
Catholic Church Condemns Cuties; “Not Enough Little Boys”
THE HOLY PRISON CELL 35-C - Controversial Netflix film Cuties has been under fire by liberals, conservatives, basically everyone except...
Sep 17, 2020
Neighborhood Coyotes Request More Vegan Options; Accessibility Features in Your Backyard
OP ED ✤ By Joe Coyote - Just leave out a salad; I’m tired of eating your beloved pets. Let’s have some variety. Imagine having to eat...
Sep 10, 2020
First Baby Born with Gills to Survive Southern Humidity
Mobile, Alabama - In what has been described as a great, horrific, leap forward for human evolution, local boy Kyle Upshaw has been born...
Sep 3, 2020
The House is On Fire
I’ll take my beans… fried. MORE MEAN BEAN STRIPPED COMICS > MEAN BEAN ENQUIRER ARTICLES > I CAN'T READ. SHOW ME VIDEOS >
Jul 20, 2020
Fauci Announces that Santa Isn’t Real; You Were the Reason for Your Parents’ Divorce
At a press conference yesterday afternoon, Anthony Fauci announced that COVID-19 immunity may be finite, that Santa isn’t real and never...
Jul 7, 2020
Gerber Baby Caught Eating Pizza with a Fork and a Knife–Not a Real New Yorker? Not Even A Real BABY?
Gerber was quick to step in and assure the public it was Gerber-brand pizza. Magnolia, Gerber’s new 2020 Spokesbaby, at the scene of the...
May 11, 2020
Got a problem? Think we aren’t a REAL news site like the “National Enquirer,” which STOLE our name? Think we’re just some satire/comedy writers from Greensboro, NC making some JOKE of a site like a lesser-known The Onion, Clickhole, or AboveAverage? Think we don’t FACT CHECK?? Well, you thought wrong.
Send leads to enquirer@meanbeancomedy.com.
bottom of page